When facing final exams I try my hardest to focus on the task of memorizing and understanding mounds of information. Often in those moments, when the stress level rises like water slowly filling up to my chin, my nose, and quickly I gasp before the waters rise up to my eye level....This is the level I have been at for a couple of weeks now. Finally, I am done all of my exams with just one last paper to write. At times I feel I plead with myself for more clarity, more strength to keep going, to keep pushing through the pain. Being Christmas time, I attend events in spite of the pain, pushing myself harder to stay longer, and to do everything. The problem with this is that there is this insane notion out, that somehow I can do everything. With all these health issues that remain invisible I never look sick, thus how could I be? I rarely speak of it out loud, because I don't like to be looked at with pity, or implied weakness, thus it must not exist. However, I feel like the internal pop bottle has been shaken too hard this week and the lid's about to burst off and create a sticky mess.
In this dangerous state when my whole body cries out at me abuse, abuse, abuse! While my migraine pounds to the same agonizing beat, it would seem as though my body feels I passed a limit again and shall pay the price. Good thing I have a week between exams and actual Christmas events, a week dedicated to recovery with a side of house wife chores. All the while in my head I feel victorious, as yes I am ashamed that my homes a disaster, BUT my papers are finished (minus 1), my finals are finished, and I made it out to all the social events - for me in my state those a great heroic accomplishments. Because I try so hard, I push so hard, and sometimes its through physical limits and other times its emotional limits. After pushing so hard I achieved a lot and, proved to myself that despite my limits I can get terribly close to them and succeed. Yet, I don't recommend getting close to your limits or pushing too hard as this week I am in recovery and feeling all the painful side effects of pushing too hard.
One of the main side effects, being that if, you are at a level 8 in pain, then hot buttons are triggered more easily due to the level of stress effecting the pain. My normal is a level 7 of pain which is only possible with 300mg of Lyrica in the morning, 1.5 mg synthroid for the hashimoto's, and 40 mg of Nortriptyline at night for pain. I have charted my pain levels using the Catch My Pain app from which you can see the images below:
Perhaps checking out that app can help with catching your pain levels :)